Crazy mommy

After having Ellie I haven't really been myself. I knew that after having her I would have the "baby blues" for a little while, but it wasn't supposed to last this long. I am constantly worrying about Ellie. While that is normal, some of the things I worry about are just silly. A majority of the time I am just sure something bad is going to happen. Every time we leave the house I think that we will get into a car accident, or a crazy stranger will try to kidnap and harm Ellie. I have a hard time sleeping at night because I think that someone is going to break into our apartment. I am also terrified of SIDS, even though she is much older now. There are a lot of times I have mild panic attacks.

I have also been extremely sad and unmotivated. I have always struggled a little with my self esteem, but it has gotten much worse. I can't get rid of the idea that nobody wants to be around me. I have done a pretty good job at secluding myself. Every once in a while my sisters-in-law will invite me over for a get together, but other than that I stay in my apartment. During the summer I made myself get outside and walk, but now that is cold I have no desire to go anywhere. It is hard to make myself get a lot of things done. I am always feeling like I'm such a failure because I don't do all of the things that I should do. It seems like it should be so easy to do stuff, but it really isn't most of the time. I have also noticed that I have been EXTREMELY irritable. I feel like I am mad about something most of the time, which really isn't like me. My husband does a great job taking care of Ellie, but there are a lot of times I am just so angry at him.

I have been trying to handle all of my feelings by myself for a long time, but last week my husband made an appointment for me to see my doctor for depression. I had to fill out a couple of questionnaires and I scored extremely high for anxiety and depression. I have since started taking a medication. I am really hoping that it will help! I can't stand feeling the way that I have been.

If anyone reading this has any pointers on how to get out of this feel free to comment! I really hope I can get out of this slump.

More pictures just cuz she's cute!

I just wanted to post a few recent pictures!

Ellie found my sister-in-law's workout videos. Don't worry Debra, they are safe now!

My favorite facial expression Ellie makes.

So tired!

Funny expression

Almost crawling!

Last Wednesday I was sitting at the computer desk while Ellie was in the middle of the room happily playing with her toys. It was a huge surprise when I turned my head to check on her and she was slowly inching her way next to me! She really wanted to play with the exersaucer, which was next to me. Since then she has really taken off. She is getting on her hands and knee's and really trying to crawl. She does get around pretty good by scooting though.

I hope you don't mind my baby talk :). For some reason my voice gets more high pitched and my English get's really bad. I know it's supposed to be I'm sorry, not "I sorry".


Just a side note, I had moved her toy back when she got upset in the video.

Teeth!

The weekend before Christmas Ellie was extremely fussy. I thought that she may have possibly been teething, but I had been thinking that every time she got fussy for the pas 3 months! This time I was right. Her first tooth cut through her gums just a couple of days before Christmas. She was so much happier! This week her second front bottom tooth came in. I have a feeling that we are going to be seeing more soon.

6 month picture bomb!

Happy 1/2 birthday Ellie!

Weight: 17 lbs. 14 oz. 85%
Length: 26 1/4 in. 70%
Head circumference: 42 cm 45%


On November 12 Ellie turned 6 months old. I really wish time would slow down a little! There have been so many changes is such a short amount of time. She is developing quite the personality! It's so cute. She laughs and talks so much. She is really getting the hang of playing with her toys and really enjoys doing that. She is sitting up on her own now. I will put the boppy pillow around her so that she can't just fall back and hurt herself when she gets tired.She is also rolling over from her back to her belly. She started doing that a while back, I think I wrote a post about it. She's not crawling yet (thankfully :)), but I have a feeling that she will be pretty soon. We really need to get a move on baby proofing our home! She is eating more solids now. So far she really likes sweet potatoes, sweet carrots, squash and peaches. She's not too fond of rice cereal, but she will eat it if I mix in one of the veggies with it. She's also eating anywhere from 4 to 6 oz. at a time. Her favorite things to do are playing with her daddy, bouncing in the bouncer that hangs from the door frame, talking, sucking on her pacifier, and riding in the stroller. The things she HATES are once again that nasal aspirator, public restrooms and the doctors office. I think that the sound of the toilets flushing in public restrooms scares her. She is a ton of fun and cute as ever!

Real cloth diapers!

I am thinking about trying to use cloth diapers to save a little money. They are pretty expensive, so I am taking the cheaper route and making my own. I've made 2 so far. I think that my second one will work much better than my first one. I guess we will see how well they work soon!