Crazy mommy

After having Ellie I haven't really been myself. I knew that after having her I would have the "baby blues" for a little while, but it wasn't supposed to last this long. I am constantly worrying about Ellie. While that is normal, some of the things I worry about are just silly. A majority of the time I am just sure something bad is going to happen. Every time we leave the house I think that we will get into a car accident, or a crazy stranger will try to kidnap and harm Ellie. I have a hard time sleeping at night because I think that someone is going to break into our apartment. I am also terrified of SIDS, even though she is much older now. There are a lot of times I have mild panic attacks.

I have also been extremely sad and unmotivated. I have always struggled a little with my self esteem, but it has gotten much worse. I can't get rid of the idea that nobody wants to be around me. I have done a pretty good job at secluding myself. Every once in a while my sisters-in-law will invite me over for a get together, but other than that I stay in my apartment. During the summer I made myself get outside and walk, but now that is cold I have no desire to go anywhere. It is hard to make myself get a lot of things done. I am always feeling like I'm such a failure because I don't do all of the things that I should do. It seems like it should be so easy to do stuff, but it really isn't most of the time. I have also noticed that I have been EXTREMELY irritable. I feel like I am mad about something most of the time, which really isn't like me. My husband does a great job taking care of Ellie, but there are a lot of times I am just so angry at him.

I have been trying to handle all of my feelings by myself for a long time, but last week my husband made an appointment for me to see my doctor for depression. I had to fill out a couple of questionnaires and I scored extremely high for anxiety and depression. I have since started taking a medication. I am really hoping that it will help! I can't stand feeling the way that I have been.

If anyone reading this has any pointers on how to get out of this feel free to comment! I really hope I can get out of this slump.