After having Ellie I haven't really been myself. I knew that after having her I would have the "baby blues" for a little while, but it wasn't supposed to last this long. I am constantly worrying about Ellie. While that is normal, some of the things I worry about are just silly. A majority of the time I am just sure something bad is going to happen. Every time we leave the house I think that we will get into a car accident, or a crazy stranger will try to kidnap and harm Ellie. I have a hard time sleeping at night because I think that someone is going to break into our apartment. I am also terrified of SIDS, even though she is much older now. There are a lot of times I have mild panic attacks.
I have also been extremely sad and unmotivated. I have always struggled a little with my self esteem, but it has gotten much worse. I can't get rid of the idea that nobody wants to be around me. I have done a pretty good job at secluding myself. Every once in a while my sisters-in-law will invite me over for a get together, but other than that I stay in my apartment. During the summer I made myself get outside and walk, but now that is cold I have no desire to go anywhere. It is hard to make myself get a lot of things done. I am always feeling like I'm such a failure because I don't do all of the things that I should do. It seems like it should be so easy to do stuff, but it really isn't most of the time. I have also noticed that I have been EXTREMELY irritable. I feel like I am mad about something most of the time, which really isn't like me. My husband does a great job taking care of Ellie, but there are a lot of times I am just so angry at him.
I have been trying to handle all of my feelings by myself for a long time, but last week my husband made an appointment for me to see my doctor for depression. I had to fill out a couple of questionnaires and I scored extremely high for anxiety and depression. I have since started taking a medication. I am really hoping that it will help! I can't stand feeling the way that I have been.
If anyone reading this has any pointers on how to get out of this feel free to comment! I really hope I can get out of this slump.
All that Ails
10 years ago
oh Megan I love you! Hang in there and I'll send you an email.
ReplyDeleteYou're not crazy! But I know you feel that way. Take your meds and keep positive thoughts. We can't change the things that have already happened, and we can't know what is going to happen. All we can do is appreciate the moments we have, one at a time. I hope you will find a mommy and me group to get involved in. Having grown ups to talk to really helps. They can help your reality checker stay in check.
ReplyDeleteOh Megan! This is Kandra by the way. Being a mom is the most rewarding gift that our Heavenly Father has given us as women, but it is also one of the most challenging gifts. I say gift becuase it is a truly a gift to be a mother to one of our Heavenly Fathers children. Heavenly Father gives trials that he knows we can handle and get through. Especially with the right people and the right tools like the scriptures. Keep taking your meds and don't give up on others, but especailly don't give up on yourself. One thing that has really really helped me after having my kids and really after having Dawson was me getting motivated to workout. It's not easy, but I go to a class and one of my friends come with me so I always have someone to go with. That has helped me tremendously with my self-esteem and my patience, it's an outlet and a break. Try and find out if there is a play group with the sisters in your ward or a mommy and me group. You can get through this. I have always known and thought of you as a beautiful women who has always been so kind and willing to serve. You have truly been an example to me. Hang in there and be positive and remember that you are a daughter of our Heavenly Father and he loves you, knows who you are, and he will help you through anything if you ask earnestly. He loves Ellie and only wants the best for her and your sweet family. Have faith! You are truly loved by all who meet you!
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